A new fantastic point of view

This past Sunday I went to Disneyland with fifteen other people: my parents, my brother, my mom's older sister, my mom's mom, my mom's little brother, his wife and daughter, my mom's little brother's wife's older sister, my mom's little brother's wife's brother and his wife and two kids (son and daughter), and my mom's older brother's son. Is that fifteen people? I think so.

Got there at around 10 in the morning, checked our stuff in at the classier of the two hotels. It was classy like Ron Burgundy, but not the same style. The mirror in the bathroom was framed by seven drawves and Snow White. We had free drinks in the little fridge, and the slippers were complimentary. Talk about classy.

First thing we did inside Disneyland was eat. It was called the Plaza Inn, but it was really just an expensive Chinese restaurant. It wasn't even Disney themed. It was also a good place to hide from the torrential rain that hammered us. Yes, the weather was horrid. We were forced to buy Disney raincoats for $35 a piece in HK currency. That's about 5 bucks in Canada. We bought 15 of them, and they all came in one size. My head was a bit big for the hood, but I had to make do.

It rained so much that Disney characters didn't prowl the streets of Disneyland, to our great dismay. It poured so hard that a few rides were closed down. I didn't care much for some of those rides, so I didn't care. The first one we went on after our pricy Chinese meal was this Toy Story themed one called Astro Blaster or something. It was so fun we went on it three times before going home. I'll explain how it works. The ride riders are the little green fellas with three eyes from the movie, under the command of Buzz Lightyear or something like that. Zurg is stealing batteries to for his weapon, and we little guys must go around in cars that seat two people to blast little targets along the way. We score points when we hit our targets with laser guns, and by the end we get our rating. I scored level 3 the first time, level 5 the second time, and since no one was around when we played our third time, I hogged an entire car by myself and used two guns at once and scored level 4 for each hand. My right hand scored higher of course. Oh, and you can rotate your car 360 degrees as you wish. It was fun. I shot my cousin in the eye. That was fun, too.

Then I went on Mad Hatter's teacups. It was 6 cups in one rotating circle, and three of those in an even bigger circle. 18 cups total. As it rotated, you could spin it even harder yourself with this steering wheel kinda thing. I didn't spin it, and already I had a headache. Not that fun for me.

We saw a 3D movie called Mickey's Philhar Magic or something, and that was pretty cool. Saw it twice, and it was worth it. I won't tell you what happens, but it's more than visually appealling. I'll let you HK goers see it for yourselves. See it twice if you have the time.

We also went on this boat ride with a funny tour guide. Since you may never experience this, I'll tell you what happened. It was only good because of the tour guide anyway. We went past this huge tree in the beginning. The guide said, "Look to your right, this right here is a tree." He said no more of it. Then we passed crocodiles. "Please do not reach your hands out to touch them, or you will notice that they do not move." He said a few more funny things I can't recall at the moment. At the end, he told us to check out the fireworks at the end of the night. "The show begins at 7:60 tonight. Make sure you check it out." All of this was in Cantonese by the way.

We went on a Pooh ride later on. It was supposed to be this narrative of a Pooh adventure, but it seemed to me more like a hippie's acid trip than anything. It was kinda incoherent to me. Maybe it was because there was too much going on around us to really pay attention to the story.

Our gang saw the Festival of Lion King as well. The remixed version of the first movie done in musical style in a circular theatre. After act 1, we had to wait like 10 minutes or so before it continued. Apparently some actor fainted and had to be taken out on a stretcher. Overall it was kinda neat. My cousin and my dad drifted to their own magical dream worlds.

There were many technical difficulties with rides and performances and such; the Lion King one was one of them. Another occured during my first Astro Blaster ride. People sat there, unable to turn, but blasting everything around them. I didn't, because I was dumb. Then later that night, the fireworks didn't begin at 7:60 as the guide said, but at 7:90 or so instead. It was quite the wait, considering I was trying to sit on a rail in an awkward position surrounded by pretty much everyone who were at Disneyland at the time.

But the wait was worthwhile. Accompanied by loud music, it was amazing. It happened over the Cinderella castle (or whichever Disney character it belonged to). They repeated these lines over the speaker at first: "I can show you the world. Shining shimmer splendid!" And it was all of those indeed. At one point they shot fire from behind the castle walls. Great bursts of flame. I sat maybe 3 basketball courts away from the castle, and I could feel the heat of the flame. Sizzling. The finale was not at all anti-climactic, as were most firework displays I've seen in my life. It was literally morning at 8:50 pm or so.

That's the brief summary of my magical Disney adventure. I know I didn't make it sound very fun, but it definitely was. I'd go there again if it wasn't so expensive.

Oh, last thoughts. Those Chinese fools rush into the 3D theatre. Selfish! Inconsiderate! Around 5 of us walked into this one row only to find out we walked to far since ppl started sitting down. We turned back, and the people behind us sat down right away, and we were one seat short for the 5 of us. But the people behind didn't care we were there first. They wouldn't move. My dad got moved back one row. Those jerks.

And last last though. When I went to the washrooms at Disneyland, I found that the water level in the toilet bowl was dangerously high. Liquids and or solids impacting the surface would result in great tides of stink stroking your lower butt cheeks (if you're sitting). If you're standing, the splash shouldn't be high enough to grab you, but do be careful nonetheless.

So that concludes my blog for today. Until next time!

A Jerry A Minute

There's this site online with summaries of books in a short paragraph. Mostly as jokes. I call this entry A Jerry A Minute because I'm just gonna write snippets of what's been going on with me. Don't feel motivated to write, and my memory's failing me somewhat.

Spent my last two days with friends from RH. On Tues, Brian, Jalen, Viv and I walked around somewhere in HK. We did karaoke. And wow, it was cheap. Each person had to order food that cost around $6 Cdn, and the room itself was free(we get 3 hours). We picked a whole bunch of songs, but they started playing before our list was complete, so the first few went by and no one sang them. Then I figured I should get the singing started and picked up the mic when A Whole New World came on. I sang the guy's part and Viv did the female part. Well, she tried to, anyway. They thought my deep voice was hilarious. We selected Sean Paul's Shake That Thang as a joke and it's gotta be the most repetitive song ever made (aside from the rest of his other songs). Singing that was hilarious. Time went by fast, and for the lsat song, they picked A Whole New World again just to hear me sing. I did the same thing, and Viv was laughing too hard to do the girl's part, so I took over. I sang a "soet", or "dulo" half way through. I got a standing ovation afterwards. Fun.

Later, we stood in a mall outside of a diamond shop. I was browsing the bling bling from outside, and this lady came out. I didn't feel like buying diamonds at the moment, so I left before she did her thang on me. Minutes later, I checked them out again. She came out of the store to greet me. Clearly, she took my rugged good looks as the face of a diamond robber. I thought it was kinda funny. If only I still had my hammer, I would've had the complete ensemble.

Later that night, we went to City's Super or something at Harbour City for a late dinner. We got there just before they closed. We ordered something for Casey as well, since he just got off work and was meeting us there. The clean-up ladies kept telling us to take our stuff to go and leave, but we couldn't leave Casey. So he got there, and the ladies talked to us and stuff.

"Don't come so late next time. Ok? Don't come next time." But not really rudely.

"Ok. We won't," said Casey. "We won't come back ever again."

Not exact words, and not exact language. But they were along those lines. Oh Casey. Good ol' Casey.

More to come later. Maybe.

The Vine

I went to The Vine this past Sunday. It's a church located on the second floor of this buisness building (I think it's a buisness building). They held English services, and the people there were multicultural; kind of like walking downtown in Toronto. I never knew there were so many non-Asians in Hong Kong, and I never met a white Christian my age until that Sunday. Pretty weird. I don't mean white Christians are weird. I'm saying it's funny how I never met one in a multicultural city.

Anyway, the worship was amazing. The team consisted of about 7 people, on drums, bass guitar, keyboard, guitar and myabe other instruments that I don't recall at the moment. The vocalists were very talented, and pretty much the entire congregation leapt up, raised their hands, clapped, everything you can imagine, they did. It was very lively. It was amazing.

After service, Casey's cell group had lunch with the newcomers at an empty Chinese restaurant. I thought the food was all right, but my mom thought the place was right to be empty. The cell group leader, whose name I have forgotten now, asked everyone to say their name and afterwards say what we liked to eat, what our favourite animal was, and or where we're from. The first thing that popped to my head was the word "Turkey." I didn't say it though, heh heh. Some guy said his favourite animal was beef. Ha. How morbid.

The gathering was pretty cool. I don't usually get to speak English in HK, so it's kinda refreshing to do it again. Casey's doing well. Still funny as usual, still saying "racist" and making people feel welcome. Good ol' Casey. We talked about how things are back in T.O. and other stuff. It was a good time.

Had a family dinner with the relatives on my dad's side later that night at the chain Chinese restaurant my dad's lil bro managed in Mong Kok. Pretty ghetto place. Chinese triads took up half the place that night. Some blonde HK gangster got married and people got drunk, but not overly rowdy. Good news for my uncle. Word on the street is that if triads complain too much about their meal, they'll stay until like 4 in the morning or refuse to pay just to give you a hard time. And what can you do? Calling the cops may be suicidal.

But enough about fools, let's get back to the dinner. My relatives on my dad's side are hilarious. They wanted me to put this giant lobster to sleep for them (my dad tells everyone I do this at work, which isn't really true but kinda is) and I told them they were different from the ones I usually handle and they were mildly disappointed at most. Them lobsters have spiky exoskeletons. I would've lacerated my fingers nicely trying to put them to sleep. My grandma's got pretty funny comebacks to my dad's comments at times. Can't remember them at the moment... But here's something I do remember:

Dad: Now my boys translate my favourite English songs for me. I can finally understand what they're saying.

Dad's brother's wife: Korean songs are in now. Everyone listens to them.

Dad: Don't listen to that stuff. What's the point of listening to songs you don't understand? Waste of time.

Me to my mom: Then why do you listen to English songs?

The joke was whispered to everyone, followed by snickers all around. My dad smiled, oblivious to what just happened.

Oh good times. Always fun to be with family.

Birthdays!

Today is my mother's birthday. I had cake. The cake was good. She is good.

Today is my friend's birthday. I had cake. The cake was good. She is good.

;)

Cool headed

I got a haircut today. Similar shape and size as my usual cuts, but it looks neater. Guess the rumours are true and that haircuts in Hong Kong are better. I think this one was cheaper, too, but I didn't pay for it myself so I don't know for sure.

First of all, I must give thanks to the one who washed my afropuff before it was mowed. The shampoo was applied. I felt slender fingers stroke tenderly through my hair. They caressed my hair and massaged my head, then warm water rushed softly between the black mass. Some other viscous substance was applied, and the process was repeated. Finally, those nurturing fingers sensually located the pressure points on my head, and slowly squeezed the tension away. My scalp, neck, temples, and forehead were all thoroughly massaged (did I mention I was sensually massaged?). It was the best experience I've had in Hong Kong so far. At least in the physical department. If only those hands belonged to a woman rather than a young feminine man. But he was good at what he did, and for that I shall give him credit.

Not much to say about the haircut itself though.

During breakfast this morning, I puked a quarter of the meal right back onto the plate. I'm sure none of you wanted to read that. Once it was out, I was teary eyed, but an elevating calm overtook me, because I ate out and didn't have to clean up my own mess. I wonder how much my dad tipped them. But at least I had the decency to vomit into a piece of napkin. I should stop writing about my retching experience; I feel sick recalling the moment.

I talked to Casey the night before. He sounds fobbier. It was a good talk. Good ol' Casey. Can't wait to meet up with him in person. He told me the folks at his church play ball on Wednesday nights at Victoria Park. I've heard that Chinese triads hang out there when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only natural light you'll see. So I don't want to go but I do want to go as well.

Oh, another interested thing happened. This Aussie was ordering tea at McD's near my place, and the cashier was answering in Chinese. She didn't speak a single word of English. The white guy turned to me immediately. Maybe I'm engulfed in a professional writer's aura, so he recognized a translator right away. I told the woman he wanted tea, and she brings him Nestea.

"Did you want hot tea or Nestea?" I inquired.

"It's ok. At least I'm not getting a 'McFlorry' instead of tea."

Personally, I'd prefer an icy cold McFlorry.

That concludes Jer Jer's Adventures for today. Until next time!

Brief recap

HK is hot and humid. Mad pollution. People smoke in restaurants. Everyone is permanently masked in sweat. Anorexics everywhere.

Funny names I've seen so far...
Milk Ng
Wanna Tse(?)

Ahahahaha!

Oh yea, another thing. In Toronto, when my bag rolled past the x-rays, they saw something they didn't like.

"...Do you have a hammer in your bag?"

"Oh crap. I forgot to take it out."

They confiscated my tool. No hammer time in HK for Afropuff.

Also, in a Canadian giftshop inside the airport, I released a flavourful odour in the perfume section. A little bio bomb from the Chinese terrorist suspect.

From the PBF archive